The love hate relationship with ourselves and why it needs to end

How do you feel about yourself right now? This very second. Do you like how you look? Do you love how you feel? Do you loathe everything about yourself?

Where did we go wrong?

How did we get to the point in our society where the majority of us despise ourselves? You’d be hard pressed to find one person who likes or loves everything about themselves. We have been brainwashed and taught to view ourselves in such a negative way that the real person gets lost in what magazines, TV and advertisers tell us to be. If we don’t fit their ideal then we feel unworthy.

I was one of those people. I believed the negative stories told to me because I did not fit the ideal. I was overweight then obese from the age of 13. Those formative years, when life is enough of a struggle, and add in the fact that I was overweight; it was HELL. I was teased, I was belittled and I was made to feel like I was unworthy because of the size of my body.

No one cared about what was inside of me, what I thought about the world, what I wanted to achieve with my life. I was a joke. A punch-line for others to laugh at. I held this negative story inside of me for 29 years. It sat on my heart, my shoulders and my mind like cannon ball sinking into the ocean. I was drowning and felt there was no one to save me.

As I kept sinking and struggling, falling deeper into the ocean; it hit me. I was my saviour. I had the power inside of me all along. I was capable of saving myself, of letting go and releasing the enormous weight I was holding onto.

I won’t lie, it was incredibly difficult. I was comfortable this way because I had lived it for so long. The future was unknown. What would happen when I got to the surface? When I finally let go and took a deep breath. Would life out of the depths be any better? I didn’t know. I didn’t have any answers but what I did know was I had to try. I couldn’t continue holding the weight. I was tired. I was mentally drained. I had had enough. But most importantly, I was ready. I was ready for a new me. A me who was happy and grateful and had a positive story.

I asked the question “how did we get to the point in our society where we despise ourselves?” I wish I had the answer but it is a loaded question with a myriad of answers. So let’s go smaller. Let’s focus on YOU. Where did it go wrong for you? What happened in your life to change your story into something negative?

Growing up can be really shitty for some of us for numerous reasons. For me personally I had a dad who was hardly ever around and when we did see him he wasn’t really present. Mum did her best I suppose, raising 3 girls on her own but she had her own demons to fight and unfortunately that transferred into how she parented us. We didn’t know love, guidance or support. Only anger and frustration. This became who I was. A side of me that wasn’t real but yet it was the only part of me I allowed others to see.

I lost who I really was. I morphed into a version of myself I didn’t like, someone unable to show kindness, happiness or gratitude for any of the good things. It never felt like anything good happened but that was my perception of my life. When I look back over the last 15 years I have achieved so much more than I dreamed possible and that is because I was always determined. I had a quiet determination I never knew was inside of me until one day the realisation hit me. The realisation I had travelled the world on my own, met lots of new friends and even reconnected with some old ones which then led me to my husband and the life I have now.

I have made an even BIGGER realisation over the last 6 months with the help of some amazing woman, but also through my need to be better, to do better and to live happier.

Those realisations are:

  • gratitude is important every single day
  • loving yourself can take time but it is worth the effort
  • happiness can only be found from within. No one else or nothing else can truly make you happy
  • Changing the negative dialogue allows you to be more open to receiving life’s great gifts
  • everyone has a purpose on this earth
  • the power is within everyone to break down barriers and believe in themselves again
  • abundance is waiting for you
  • forgiveness is important. It may be hard at first but it is essential to moving forward
  • we do not have to believe the lies told to us by our parents, friends, colleagues or anyone else when they say “you can’t”, “you shouldn’t”, “you are hopeless”. That is total BS. Everyone is capable
  • life is forever changing and it is possible to change along with it whilst being true to yourself
  • letting go of all the negative people and things in your life is ok. It might hurt at first, however you will be better off
  • YOU’VE GOT THIS. Now, always and forever. I believe in you

This love hate relationship we have with ourselves, with our bodies has got to end. Right now! It is not doing anyone any good. You deserve to live a life free from hate and self doubt. It is so amazing to feel free and not have that constant negative chatter going round and round in your mind. Take that first step today to free yourself. You deserve to be happy, healthy and FREE!

What will your first step look like? Will it be saying 1 gratitude to yourself? Will you tell yourself how amazing you are every single day? Will you join a fitness class and move your bum? Will you cook yourself some nourishing meals every week.

Whatever your first step is TAKE IT! You may feel like a foal taking its first steps. All wobbly and unsure but once you do you will be bouncing around, feeling great, feeling free then those first wobbly steps will be forgotten.

If you are still unsure of what your first steps should be, I can give you guidance and support to figure out where you need to go in order to achieve your health goals, to start loving yourself again through self care, movement, nutrition, mindset and gratitude.

I have a 6 week challenge covering all the above topics.

4 week FREE Mind and Body Evolution Program

Please enjoy this Mindset handout. Inside you will learn 4 different strategies on how to change your negative mindset to a positive one. With some time, effort and patience it is possible to change your thoughts and your mindset.

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